'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
