the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
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According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
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Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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