Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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