So drunk its hurt
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
