i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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