Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
