On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
