I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
