filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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