After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
