Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
