as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
