Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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