dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
