yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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