i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
