I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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