I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
