That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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