do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
