thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
