You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
