I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
