i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
