Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
