Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
