Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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