Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
