My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
