Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
