i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
