Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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