If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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