I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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