isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
