I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
