Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
