when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
