My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
