im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
