Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
