i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
