If i come over, it means nothing
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
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Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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