I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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