Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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