did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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