The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
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You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
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Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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