I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
