it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
