Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
