You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
