Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
True strength comes from lack of pants
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
