Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
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