Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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