please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
and she was petting her beer can
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
