please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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