Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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