i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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