So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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