While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
