I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
