im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
