one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
