he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
