oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
