Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
