i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
