he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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