You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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