I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
