4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
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She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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