Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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