im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
