In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
