the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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