Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
