I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
