first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
