I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
